B2: Does anyone have the keys over there?

Me: Does anyone have the keys?… Yes Sir, Stone has them.

B2: Can he bring them over here, SSG Lankford needs the vehicle at 1400.  

Me:  Where does he have to go?  (I’m just having a little fun with him now)

B2:  Does it matter where he has to go?

Me: Well, yes Sir, I’d like to know why we have to bring the vehicle over there.

B2:  He has a meeting with someone about a story.

Me:  Okay, I guess that’s good enough.  Since it’s only 1000, can’t it wait?  I mean, do you need it this minute?  Stone is busy and we’re all working on stuff.

B2:  Fine, Fine, but you know this vehicle log really needs to be updated.  It’s too hard to track down the vehicle when people have places to go and we’re going to start cracking down.  If the vehicle isn’t signed back in promptly, the driver and passengers will lose their vehicle privileges for a week.  I’m serious.

Me: (trying not to laugh)  Well, Sir, out of curiosity.. who had the vehicle last?

B2:  Well, SSG Raley had it to go to his mission. 

Me:  But, who signed it out?  Who should have signed it back in?

B2: (in a defeated tone) … First Sergeant.

Me: Ohhhhhh… Looks like he’s in trouble.  (I had him on speaker phone the whole time, so the “ooohhhh” was in unison with Stone and Barney)

B2:  Whatever.. just bring the vehicle over here.  

Me:  We’ll have it there in time for SSG Lankford, Sir.  

I promptly called back and asked if we could put the vehicle log on the sharepoint (a site we use to share documents on all the computers).. I mean really it only makes sense.  He just acted confused, probably because I was laughing hysterically when I asked.  But, what do you expect when you try to lay down the law with the NCOs and the 1SG can’t even follow it?

SGT Stone called SSG Lankford later and worked out an NCO-to-NCO deal.  SSG Lankford walked to where the vehicle was to grab the keys and leave.  Oh.. and he signed the vehicle back in for us and out again for himself.